This page was last updated on 26th September 2007
Margaret writes:-
Sarah was baptised at six weeks old and went to Sunday school as a child. I would have said the whole family were “Christian” until I had a ‘Damascus Road experience’ in January 1984 and realised for the first time that being a Christian meant a relationship with Jesus and not merely being a church goer and having some sort of a belief that there was a God out there somewhere. For an explanation of ‘Damascus Road experience’ read Acts Ch 9 in the Bible.
Sarah also committed her life to Jesus in April 1984. She went through a total immersion baptism and had a very strong faith in God. This all happened during a bit of a “wild” time in her life and it did help her to get her life back on track. However, she struggled with her faith and eventually became disillusioned with church and stopped going. She never lost her faith in God but, having suffered several traumatic experiences in her life, including severe illnesses of family members, she became angry with God. Over the years Sarah and I had lots of conversations about God and why He would allow hard things to happen to His children. She always respected my walk with God but, for various reasons, said that at that time she didn’t want to go deeper in her own walk of faith. She expressed the desire many times to come to church but she felt God would speak to her if she did and she would (a) get upset and (b) be challenged more than she was ready for at that time. I tried so hard to explain that God wouldn’t ask more of her than she could cope with but to no avail.
When I first heard about Sarah’s death on Thursday 15th March my first prayer was that she was with Him and then I prayed that no-one in the family would be angry with God and blame Him for this tragic event. On Saturday 17th March I asked God to show me in a positive way that Sarah was safely with Him and that afternoon I received a telephone call from one of the Pastors in the church we had been attending in Cyprus to say that the following day she was going to dedicate the whole of the communion service to Sarah and was going to talk about Jesus’ words from the cross when he said to one of the thieves on the cross next to him “Today you will be with me in Paradise”. I knew she should have spoken on that word from the cross the week before and queried this. She told me that her dog had been seriously ill the week before and she hadn’t done it and so she was doing it this week. I believed that God was confirming to me that Sarah was safely with Him in Paradise. Some would say that was just coincidence but when you have walked with God for this many years and had many such “coincidences” you have to come to the point where you question “coincidence” and realise its more “Godincidence”.
Shortly afterwards that afternoon Aimee was laid on her bed and was very upset. I told her I believed I had just received assurance that her mum was safely with Jesus and she said she wanted this assurance for herself in a way she could understand. Terence and I prayed with her. About ten minutes later we were all in the lounge when the Ice Dance programme came on. Torville and Dean started the programme with their exhibition dance to “Over the Rainbow” and immediately Aimee got really upset. I said we should turn the television off as I thought the fact that this was one of Sarah’s favourite programmes was too upsetting for her. Peter said “no” and Aimee shot across the room onto his lap and they cried together until the piece was over. Peter then explained that Sarah had said many times that she wanted that particular song played at her funeral! (this was why it was played four times that day – four being Sarah’s favourite number). Aimee said she felt she had received assurance too and Terence and I agreed with her.
I know Sarah had spent sometime alone, bound and gagged, in the flat before she was murdered and although the thought of what she went through is too hard to bear I am pleased to think she had time to make her peace with God and I am sure she would have done that and also prayed for all her family as well as herself.
Since Sarah’s death we have been carried on a wave of prayer. God has been so specific in His love and support for us. One day I want to write an article or even a book about the amazing ways God has helped us through but if anyone would like to know more at this stage please email me. Terence and I read “Our Daily Bread” daily bible notes produced by RBC Ministries and every day for the first few weeks after Sarah’s death those notes could have been written specifically for us. Almost immediately after her death I felt drawn to start the Charity and run the Campaign now under way but there were many days when I woke up feeling scared at the prospect and feeling it was too big for me. Every day I felt like this God gave me a specific daily reading note to encourage me to keep going. On March 23rd the heading in the notes was “Keep On” and the following day it was “For her”. Another time when Peter was trying to decide on the date for the Thanksgiving Service God spoke specifically and so Peter chose 13th April and the heading in the notes that day was “Celebrating Disappointment”. These “Godincidences” are still going on now on a regular basis.
About five months after Sarah’s death I was reading a book by Kathie Lee Gifford called “Gentle Grace” (Publishers Inspirio – The gift group of Zondervan). This book was given to me by a Christian friend in Cyprus. On page 34 was a piece entitled “I Can Count on Him” and I reproduce it here:-
“The sun will rise tomorrow morning – I know it. Even if it's arrival is hidden by the clouds, and I cant see it burst over the horizon, I’ll still know it's there in the sky right where it's supposed to be. And I can guarantee it will set again in the West, just as it has for centuries.
This “knowing” comes from a lifetime of “seeing”. I’m conditioned to believe. My faith in God comes from a lifetime of experiencing him on a day-to-day basis. And as the sun, which God created, does what it's supposed to do day in and day out, so does our Lord. He never stops seeing, never stops loving, never stops being. He just is. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” What a promise!
The world may change, tastes and trends may come and go, but the Lord never changes!
Realising I can count on him gives me hope and courage. It helps me get out of bed in the morning knowing a terrorist bomb could rip through New York City at any moment. It helps me send my children off into an uncertain future. It helps me sleep in peace when there is no peace in this world we live in. It helps me rejoice in my faith that God sees all the chaos and suffering in the world and cares about every bit of it.
I understand the cynics and the pessimists. I would be just like them if I didn’t have a personal relationshp every minute of every day with a loving God. When people ask, “How could a loving God do such a thing?” I’m amazed that they hold God accountable – rather than the person or groups who actually find joy in the destruction they cause.
God gave us free choice. In Deuteronomy 30:19-20 he says that we can choose life or we can choose death. It is our decision.
When I look at the destruction that has damaged our planet, destroyed bodies and caused so much suffering and death, I am always dismayed that anyone would choose the darkness over the light. But I’ve also learned that even one simple candle can send the darkness howling. And just one person who truly believes can change the whole world”
That sums up my belief of where God is in all of this. I know that one day I will be with Sarah again and then there will be no more parting. I know that God can bring good even out of such a great tragedy and I am praying that many people will come to know the love of Jesus because of what has happened to our family. Despite Sarah’s feelings towards God in her later years she always acknowledged that one day He would reach out and touch her and we would work together for a better world. I believe that although Sarah has gone to her heavenly home before me, we will still work together with Jesus for a better world but thank goodness no-one realised what was to happen before that work began.
Terence and I have a special little saying between us which no-one else knows and that is TWG. We have always written it on our cards etc. Sarah was always curious to know what it meant and we wouldn’t tell her. One day she phoned me up really excited saying that she knew what it was and she was certain she had it right. I asked her what she thought it was and she said “Together with God”. I said it wasn’t but, actually, that was even better than the real one because ours was just a silly little thing. From then on TWG had an even more special significance for us. One day just after Sarah died Terence and I realised that Sarah really was Together with God and we were amazed that all those years ago we had been given a little saying which was to become so special for us with Sarah.
I thank God for the most wonderful and caring daughter any mother could be blessed with and I also thank Him that both she and I have committed our lives to Jesus so that one day we can be together again where there will be no more tears and no more separation.
God Bless you my darling Sarah until we meet again.